Tomorrow will be the day that I go for my post partum check up. I will go in, be told how great I'm doing, and then I will have to summon the courage that I don't have, and tell the dr. that something's not right. For the depression/anxiety, I'll be referred to a shrink (ok. I can accept that). For the vaginal symptoms, I"ll be told that it's because I'm nursing, and for the pelvic pain...well, I'm post partum. I'm going to ask if there's a dr. in the Orlando area that does reversals. I'm hoping I get a yes.
But if I don't, I have already made my mind up. I'm going to Chapel Hill.
I'm afraid of getting cleared to go to work. It's my anxiety about leaving Hannah, to be sure, but it's more than that. I'm going to have to start learning how to live with this pain. The pain I get after being on my feet for a little bit is going to have to be normal. I'm going to have to start living with the daily cramping. And I'm going to have to leave my little girl.
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